Caring for an older person offers opportunities for learning and gratitude -- greater depths of joy, compassion and grief; exploration of a relationship unlike any other; and experiences that help one prioritize what is important and develop a broader vision of life. If you’re a family caregiver, focusing on the frustration, helplessness or anger that can also be part of caregiving can cause you to miss all of the opportunities of the situation.

Negative feelings and fears can cause a family caregiver to be “frozen in time,” -- dropping out of his or her personal life to be a caregiver. Re-engaging your life can be the best thing -- both for your loved and for you.

Think back … have you given up personal interests and activities? Did you used to do photography, take long walks in the park, attend theatre or have dinner with friends? Is your life now consumed with scheduling medical appointments and other care, constant worry about your loved one’s health, resentment toward health care and insurance providers or anger about others’ unwillingness to see caregiving issues the way you do? Have your holidays changed because of family caregiving needs? Is your loved one in a nursing home or assisted living facility, or poor health prevents him or her from being involved as before? Do you feel guilt about enjoying the holidays or other activities that the older adult used to be part of?

The advice of many family caregivers is this: live in the moment and enjoy what is in front of you. Regrets about what has changed or what could have been serve no purpose. Work toward getting back to your own personal life. Re-acquaint yourself with the interests and activities you left behind. Friends and family members may comment about how good it is to do things with you again or to see you becoming involved in a hobby.

Persistence pays off in continuing to take steps back into your life because it is easy to fall back into old patterns. Keep a calendar of your activities and make sure you don’t let too much time pass between personal activities. As you make your way back to your life, there are lots of rewards along the way. Not only will you get to enjoy some old or new interests, but reducing your stress level will help your family caregiving situation.

If you begin to see deterioration in the health of your loved one, some feelings of grief and sadness are normal. With a healthy perspective on family caregiving, you can replace feelings of sadness with appreciation for what an older person can still do – and what you can do together. The goal is to embrace the feeling of being needed, not begrudge the toll caregiving has taken on you. Good family caregiving is defined by both self-care and care for the older adult. So recognize your limitations, seek and accept help, and maintain your own life and interests.